Never has it felt so against me.
In these past few months I have been letting this blog stew tenderly in my mind. With each precious moment, of which there are so many, I have made a mental note to add it to the pot. At night when I'm rocking in a dark nursery, with only a sliver of light stretching out from the door to greet us, I want to collect the silence. After my son has had his fill and curls up into my chest, drunk with milk, I want to add the contentment. While gently lowering myself and my 4 week old into a warm bath, a moment I've looked forward to since forever, I note to add my confidence.
When it seems he can cry no more and throws another hour of it in the ring, I want to add my patience. While I hum
songs to him at the changing table and he grins wildly at me,
I note to add this joy. When walking about town and a
stranger stops at his cuteness, I want to add my pride. In the evening when Keith comes home to find his son is still awake
and complete elation lights up my boy's faces, I want
to add their adoration...
But like I said, time is against me. At two months old I see this chubby baby where my stretched out little newborn was, and I just want to bawl. I can't imagine him not being as perfect as he is or being as happy
as he makes us at this very second. So, the thought of time passing, becoming something else,
moving one step closer to the day when he will no longer be
my sweet noodle, kills me. All the while I am
hovering in each moment, never wanting to miss a thing (or to forget it to share/archive) and the list grows longer and longer; right along with the list of chores to do, people to call, etc.
There was no preparing for this, every mothers advice stating as much is true. There are no words for this love.
And so my friends, Henry Porter Yeomans has arrived. And with him he has brought more love, fear, passion, joy and gratitude than I have ever known. Yes, I am addicted to this point in my life, to my sweet joyful son, to the man I married and now love more than I ever thought possible; and like an addict, I am desperate for these quiet days with my son like nothing I've ever wanted before. It's truly amazing...
that anyone can be this happy. And while he changes daily, getting more rolls by the minute and his red tuft of hair in the front longer, I change too. I'm one of those women I could never see
myself becoming - an obsessed mommy who doesn't seem to find
the time to brush her hair, but
has all the time in the world for her baby (or anything
remotely related to said baby).
Welcome my darling son, I hope the world for you
(and also that you don't grown to resent this mommy/shadow
7 lbs 14 oz
Long Beach, CA
best. thing. ever.
We love you noodle.
We love you noodle.